Weaken Wrinkle – or so called smile lines, i finally had one near my right side of nose…found that out the beginning of this year, n now when i look at it, yeah im old. no, older now. haha

so im fine, the last entry of my blog could be eliminated but i dont want to, just wanna it be there always showing the weakest period of my 2009 n it was a miracle thank god giving me another chance of living. thank david, kim n more giving me side by side supports. i know i need to get another test after 3 mons, hope im fine then, i really need a confirmation saying im fine. im so fine.

well, have been telling myself im perfection everyday since a month ago, n i will keep doing it coz it really works. love god love my body love my life, n change my crazy lifestyle to a normal happy status. wont do things without thinking, wont take risks on things possibly would take my life, n stay possitive stay kind to the whole universe. still open up to the whole universe with my good energies thats the most important thing.

i learned, really learned a lot by my ages..i surpassed myself during those challenges, im not regret of my life, never ever! im even more sure than ever that i would be succesful in early future as god put me thru this must mean something wonderful later n i truly believe in that.

a friend just asked me r u more a religious person or more a spiritual person? i told him spiritual person but with hard belief. religion could go with spirits, doesnt mean they have to go seperate ways, n id rather believe in both that both god n good spirits r with me…as always, all the time, as im blessed by god. n my energies r always moved by my good big heart, with me, helping me, there’s no difficulties in the way of my successful future.

going to madrid this thursday, this time hope i would be fine – get my docs done n copied, sent to universities n a short catchup with a friend then if possible shopping a bit..if possible. plan is wonderful, just wait till that day n see how it goes.

last whole months i basically didnt get good sleep, lots of worries n tears, lots of pressures n stresses, lots of anxieties n depressions, lots of phone calls n emotional moves, lots of imaginations n rough dreams, bad times, yeah.. but im thru those things n as a strong, incredible 23yr old woman, im standing here n embrace my love more deeply than ever, i wanna a bright future with my healthy body. i wanna do something make my family n friends proud, i wanna have a man loving me n raise our babies with me…i wanna all that, n i feel i’ve grown up in my heart now.

i grow up in my way, by ages by tough things by challenges by surprises by love n tears, by happiness n shocking news, by women n men, by crazy people…n i appreciate thousands times of what i’ve been thru n what i know so far. im glad im still alive, n this is something nobody can feel unless they went thru that too. all i can say is, im feeling AWESOME right now! sincerely gratefully thank you!

as my brains owns its only way of thinking, now its getting richer n richer by my experiences. i love my brain too, being rational n being sensible.

About rene, hes not ok, hes the one in need of medicational care n i will be there for him, at least now is not the time of leaving him alone. God is there watching me, n im being me, i know i wont escape from it, it wont kill me. im being careful n causious now, also being what a good human being should be. Karma is the king, n i know that.

again, my life goes on, with better visions n more knowledges. i profoundly thank god n my friends, love u so much! and i will always be here for you too.

btw went to Macaco’s concert last fri night n it was great, so im gonna upload some fotos next time.

Background Music: Macaco’s <Moving>.

when i was healthy, i always told myself life is short so just do whatever i wanna do dont care about how hard i was doing to my body. then its the time that there’s no turning point. im getting what i deserve, i guess.

any songs or any movies could easily make me cry. who knows, who could know this, why me? those questions r useless now.

not knowing when im gonna leave this world, not knowing what im building for my future could be fallen off like domino, not knowing if my life worths my existance on the earth.. im sorry, mom n dad. im sorry.

i’ve been enjoying my life every moments till now, really i would die without regret. but its tough, god keeps giving me rough tasks.. this time i finally couldnt do it even if im already stronger n most of the people.

thanks more, thanks kim, thanks david, n thanks god…pls give me a last chance to live normal!

Background Musik: Macy Gray’s <Don't Forget Me>.

my computer is still facing with the problem that i dont know if its becoz of the electricity or long-age run.. possibly both cause my screen changes its color n its frustrating so much now i dont even wanna use it checking my master infos not even changing my cv or starting writing my study motivation.

life isnts so fast paced n somehow i get more lazy than before after the weather starts changing. now its awesome weather, with super long daytime – sun goes down after 9pm..cant even imagine next month sun prob will go down after 10 or 11pm…extremely long daytime makes my biological clock unfunctional. i wont complain much about that, as ive always dreaming of living in such kinda city. reality doesnt appear that intriguing such as in the dreams though. that i’d have known, but i just dont see it so real before.

speaking of dream, i slept a lot lately almost 10 hours a day. assuming thats a healthy way of living, im gonna keep doing it, till i actually find something i love to do outdoor.. being taking a lot of suntanning during the afternoon, lying on the grass near the river or cathedral, looking upon the blue skying thru my sunglasses, smelling the fresh air..altho many pollens flying coz of this season, well well i love suntanning..getting tan wont be a problem here.

as many spring season tv finished, some new middle season tvs are coming. incl my favorite so you think you can dance, will be watching it, hoping wont let me down this year..

not that much to talk, as its pretty slow here.

background musik: Jill Barber's <Never Quit Loving You>.

as i’ve been thru a lot of things here and also being typical lazy me, sorry i havent updated for long. now that insomnia is coming back trying to catch me, i have to kill time by taking this chance to write about what’s in my mind all these days. it would be long,  i think so, coz gosh its really been too long, isnt it?

besides the ‘24yrs old’ – chinese traditional saying about how tough this year it will be, and truth is it is. my health laid on right there explaining how hard those months was to me, and even right now, im fighting for a healthy body, sadly not even in my sweet hometown. without families n friends’ supports, language barriers and of course other blah blah excuses, im insecured again. but all im thinking about is being positive and stay positve thinking that i believe im ok.

i miss a lot of things, not only the things n people in shanghai, also the days in macau, la, all those trips i had before. all the schools n classmates when i was in middle, high n uni before, and i even dreamed a few times of some old classmates. dreams project my daily thoughts, guess i darn missing my life before n knowing life isnt easy pulls up a bit sadness too.

last night, i couldnt fall asleep, thus writing 4 pages of all the thoughts i’ve learned and know about life. i mean writing, yeah by using pen n writing on the paper… all those writings were come up natually, as if i havent written for long n all the thoughts just easily flow out and doesnt even need to organize them. i was happy, coz i got good energies from writing them. thats also why im writing now, feeling creating innerpeace n consentration of mind controlling while im writing.

school is going better, at least normal. i skipped too many classes because of the health problem, now im trying to focus on other stuff n being grateful for the healing everday so that i could actually deal with my no.1 project here – study. havent gone partying for more than 2 weeks, n in fact will not be feeling freedom till 2 weeks later. i cant wait for june to come, truly cant wait for it! i hope i got recovered very soon, and time just could fly right now in front of me..showing me the bright side asap.

it doesnt mean im in a dark place now, no no, im doing fine here. not many meditations since ive got here, but all those positive thoughts always live in my head. i love my life, as always, and life is full of ups and downs, thats it. im facing the challenge in my life that god put ahead of me, so im dealing with it now and knowing i would succeed finally. coz im strong n persistant, yeah i do know that, haha!

was about to write my blog in spanish, but if i do i will lost my readers and also i couldnt bring my expression well enough to actually say what i mean. then a second thought is, will eventually writing in spanish, coz i just started dreaming in spanish..thats awesome, right?

weather here is always a problem, as shanghai right now is in its perfect may, 30 some degrees filled with sunshine everyday. im here less than 20 degrees, worried about catching cold again..shanghai ..oh god knows how i miss you.

tv shows, still same old same old. how i met ur mother, big bang theory, desperate housewives, prison break, two and a half men, csi, and make me a super model…a lot of tvs coz im basically banned from fiestas. spending more time in my room, watching n reading r the only two things im doing here. not bored, just not enough fun.

still smoking a lot, i know i shall quit, but i cant.

still drinking a lot of pepsi, i know i shall quit, but i cant.

i m cuttig something off my life already, so i at least would save last 2 addictions…if not incl watching tv shows.

how r u guys? ash says hi all the way from another side of the world. love u guys!

background musik: Amaral’s <El universo sobre mi>.

another monday-syndrome issue, once again i had fever here in this doomed town n didnt make it to school today. i missed my presentation day n instead i stayed in finished watching both sex n the city n the simpsons. now i have to watch sex n the city all over again…

my throat hurt couldnt even smoke. in spain, spring comes when it reaches mar. 21st, now im in spring, but still somehow the unpredictable wind could blow me out  of the weather. here, im sitting in the sofa, in bad shape, drinking hot water, listening repeatedly to those songs in my laptop, n im freakin lazy that wont do anything except going to pee.

the weekend has been too long, but it seems i still need one or two more days’ rest at home. people say 'take care’ but i dont understand how could i take care of myself if i always ended up enjoying the moment too much that i was either drunk or high. yeah, thats my problem, my mess.

moving to a new aptmt in 2 days, but i havent even started packing yet, my mom already called in to check out my system. oh i miss the life with parents around, that they would have packed everything for me, im such a lazybone wont do anything. damn how can i be so lazy?!

besides the sore throat, i’ve been also suffering from xxx, not fever but its something hard to tell in public. i hope i could be recovered soon, i really need a healthy body that at least be able to go swimming. cant believe time passes so fast, almost a month time for me in salamanca, sometimes i felt like i just arrived but funny sometimes i felt i got bored already…but im always with hopes, will meet new interesting people next month or going somewhere for a trip, or try something new..

how’s ur life? hope u all well, especially healthy! miss u, Ash.

life here is still crazy, mi vida loca…who knows? besided the part i missing shanghai so badly, i still enjoy the life esp. the fiestas here. been up till 7am then didnt go to sleep, still made it to the school that is 20-year-old ashley, and i am still friggin awesome that could pull that off again ystday.

there was a guy in the club cubic, his dancing moving i love so much coz it reminded me of some friends in shanghai. just that simple, but i felt sad so much that im not with my friends any more, hard to find someone dancing well here. really it is hard, u see someone u like in a bar, i dont even know how to aproach him in spanish. i so wanna learn those pick up lines, yeah i shall learn that first. ystday was at that cubic bar, till they close at 630ish. i’ve been here for almost 3 weeks and i made it till a bar close, im proud of myself. yet also sad…coz friends were not there with me, i lost most part of the joy.

since i didnt sleep the whole night so i had my siesta a bit longer..than 12 hours now its 6am, i’v been up since 3am, cooked dinner watching sex n the city, also talking to a roomie that just came home from parties around 5. u wont complain about the parties finished so late, coz 5am is considered still early. well, not for us who need to go to school on fridays. but people here got a lot of energies to party every night. its not shanghai, i know, u know, but when u live in the life, u sometimes will forget about that.

ok, charging my phone, sent a msg to kim, n waiting for the sun coming up. im also in need of a good massage, which i havent done yet. besides that, swimming! i still havent done that either…wait till the weekend…ahhhh i hate myself like those things, putting it off never got chance to do a thing or two that i’ve been promising myself to do. im a lame person.

my roomies r gonna have another trip this weekend, to Amsterdam! wow..i cant leave the country until another month at least. wait till my residence permit arriving, i would probably only visit valencia or ibiza. haa..ibiza! the best party in the whole world, i would never miss that, ms. party animal. shoooot, i shall talk more about my study! k, im just gonna stop talking about drinking, partying things now…dude, i need friends so i can be judged harshly, or im afraid im gonna outta control some day. More, Kim where r u?

weekend is coming again, gosh i need a meditation which i dont even know how am i gonna do without my meditation book left in shanghai… life isnt that easy after all.

still the sex n city sydrome, or still the ‘monday morning syndrome’, i skipped class today. at exactly monday morning, i felt i couldnt deal with all the tasks in the coming week so i natually ditch all the things n being an escape slept till noon. i am bad.

making mistakes esp those weak ones that i should have conquered long time ago, but no. im not that strong, so i am sort of doing confession here. to my blog, to my lil territory here, saying sorry i should not have done so…

about taking care of myself those shit blah blah..i didnt make it, so what? should i just kill myself?

and i’m pathetically fucking miss my life in shanghai, esp after watching another all day long sex n the city, its all the questions about my life incl realtionship, love, men and women, and also my pasts. i always know im that type of enjoy the moment woman, but somehow i also started to think about my future, will i end up with living alone in my apartment in some big city with successful job but no man’s cuddling around? i know i suck, as soon as i questioned.

at least i know i will have galfriends having brunches together like those 4 fabulous women from the tvshow, and at least i will be successful, and then what? bunch of one-night-stands as promiscuous samantha? or never believe in romance carrie? or desperately wanna get tied up into a marriage chalotte? no i wont, but will i become always push people away miranda? or just become mr. big coz of too many bad experiences from the past that couldnt open up to another people? the reasons i brought up those questions are - (besides the fact that im bored and has been watching this show for all days long n no friends around me)

• im getting old too, altho still 20-ish. im still young.
• i know who i am, what i like n dont like.
• i had many, well not too many, experiences before, i surprisedly find out im not a relationship type
• those pasts stories wandering in my head, i have too much brains
• i hate to be a loner, but sadly the truth is, i am alone n lonely here.

its not like i busting my ass poped out those questions..its all naturally like im within thousand words in my mouth but no one to share with…yeah, p-a-t-h-e-t-i-c! bang!

my roomies r supposed to back from paris today, but strangely till now they havent come home yet, im so lone that i’ve been sitting on the couch n grabbing foods from kitchen the whole day n night.. am i gonna be living alone in my apartment n also enjoy my one-men-space like all those 4 women? ahhh..hopefully no, n ohhh, my head hurts when i start thinking about it. shoooot im still too young for this, cant handle those heavy thoughts. i think too much again…n i shall study more, shoooot i havent opened my book since last friday!

i smoked less today, but still…oh i miss shanghai! miss weekends at MAO, miss my wed CM family dinners, miss kim n lucia, miss david, miss chinese foods, miss my bed, even miss my parents’ complaints, miss my grandpas, miss my cousin sisters, miss my perfumes, miss my tvshows with internet, miss my hairdresser, miss my house on 11th floor, miss swimming pool at steve’s house in la, miss those restaurants in shanghai, miss the convenient life, miss the 24 hours shop, miss taxis, miss my habbit of buying flowers every 2 weeks, miss cute dog of my cousin sister’s, miss too muchhhhh…can u feel me?

and im only here for the beginning of 3rd week, oh how im gonna survive for next 6 months in salamanca, this small inconvenient, worse taste, without that many friends’ town? all im living on is ‘long daylight’, sun comes up before 7 n goes down after 8..n i’ve heard its gonna be even longer..yeah for that! i love sun! here i got it all!…besides that…what? i guess i cant really have it all, can i?

had a lot of things wanna write down in case i forgot this chapter of my life, not that the life here is fast paced but its been awhile not putting on any pics. now that i got new camera, actually is a second-handed consuming 2 AAA batteries sort of nikon. it wasnt that bad, huh? check out those pics above. i went to a flamenco concert with a french gal, it was all about culture taken-in n succesfully made my early friday night.

before the flamenco i went to my new aptmt n chatted with new roomies n some friends visiting from madrid all in spanish n a little english, now my english is getting really rusty…hah..no..not really.

coz i still talked a lot english with friends here, not that many friends, shamely there r only 20ish people on my cellphone’s contact list. before i lost my sweet cellphone, there r solid nearly 300…with who i could always managed to send out a msg to say hello or calling for parties. now im a loner.

so lucia gave me a mercy call coz i was super ‘down’ at sat morning. she asked me not to ‘full of myself’, good thing is she’s right. im overspent my money in a bad way, always losting things n money n even marlboro lights. and the bad thing is, i’m just this ash, fucking crazy n always led by her moment-living theory type of person. life is too short, im cherish every moment taking care of my feelings, but always failed to take care of myself in a healthy way.

slept late, didnt study that hard, party but got too drunk waking up next day with bruises all over my body, smoked too much too much. let alone the slut but also longing for romance’s craziness, i really dont think im that kinda simply-easily-satisfied people. i dont wanna be judgemental, but judging myself im always doing the best job. i love my body, love my face, love my friends in shanghai, love the blue sky in salamanca, love the gelado in plaza mayor, love hearing voices from my babies’ calls all the way around the other side of the world, love music, love fabulous men n women, love tvshows.

speaking of tv shows, i have zero internet here in my aptmt, only tv show im watching is <sex and the city>. ta-daa! imagine how different feeling i got after its like the 2nd or maybe even the 3rd times i watched this adorable show. i was bored ystday so watched all day long even till 3am..yeah, my tv show’s addiction is still with me.

but pepsi addiction went down a bit, along with internet…but i do need the internet, making me closer to the shanghai world. ohh i really miss everyone..after all im stuck in a small town, nothing compared with my gorgeous shanghai.

last fri i got drunk right after taquila shots, throwing up, falling on the floors…yeah, i did that all over again..music really suck so bad but i was so happy coz some spanish girls spinned around me asking for taking fotos together with them coz they all thought im hot. yeah, thats also one of the reason i got drunk that night, im un-flattering-tolerent people. besides, i love girls, especially also hot girls in the bars too. unpleasant thing was the drunk n lost money thing…then stupidity next morning was cant remember everything except only can remember i was fucking drunk. looking at those bruises n a painful backhead, couldnt remeber a thing. damn the drinks here r just incredibly cheap, like water…

so i punished myself whole day watching tvshows on sat didnt even go out, i missed shanghai till death, was even crying a bit for having no friends around me.

sunday, which is today, technically was ysterday, learned many sexual words from my new close friend rene, a married bi-sexual mexican guy who’s also having a crazy life here. he was married to a spanish guy for residence plus study plus a new life. we went to sunday market, then i had a lazy siesta with another friend nicolas at a park near my aptmet. a parisian 20 years old boy whos also my classmate, with an angel face n innocent look. after that siesta, went to plaza mayor alone having my icecream, bumped into nicolas’ roomie n also a friend visiting.. so they could cut the queue with me…anyways, i walked home around 730pm with sun still up.

life is always full of questions like those in sex n the city, carrie kept asking questions about men n relationship. im looking at my life, which also with lots of questions, but undoubtedly im fabulously living in my way. spanish girls love me, nicolas thought im fashionable, n my mexican friend…but maybe im really too full of myself.

yes, i gotta turn down a bit, low-key low-key… n i will never take tequila shots again, not say forever, but at least for foreseen future. will try to control all kinda urges, incl. sweets, cigarettes, internet, sex, weeds…yeah glad im not a shopaholic or alcoholic..that really lighten my sins in many ways.

my roomies will be back tmr from paris, im happy for them, altho myself not ready for ‘big paris’ yet. i luv travelling, but to paris, is not one of those fantasies. but to rio or egypt or italy that is my fantasy. oh i miss those french friends in shanghai too, cant believe i usually hate them mostly now that i could even start missing them… woman is just too emotional…ah..im happened to a woman.

now im gonna go to sleep, kiss goodbye, my babies. will sending more pics :) i really miss u, n miss my last year’s wonderful life.

Ash

hey my babies!!! i’m in salmanca now, as if nobody knows…drrrr..hahaaaa!

the first day when i arrived here, i saw a bee, gosh bee is like my lucky sign! i was so excited that i saw bee again that means im gonna have great life here..yeaaahhh!

internet is a problem so far, but it will be fixed very soon becoz im gonna move into another aptmt in next 20ish days. the aptmt im living now is quite far from the city center where my school n all those bars r located in, now it took me 15mins to walk from house to center. altho i enjoy walking, it is still not that convenient for me. so looking for another house is the first thing im gonna do after my school opens tmr.

i took a bus from madrid to salamanca, in the ticketing office of bus station, a spanish guy asked me how to write his name in chinese that was fun. the taxi driver was also kind not detour or tried to rip me off coz im a foreigner n dont speak that much spanish. i know im a lucky gal, thank god for it.

went to bar hopping last night, it was my first night out, went to 4 bars. the music here cannot beat shanghai at all, but the drinks r cheap n the most of the people here r good looking. i practised my poor spanish in the noisy bars, also saw lots, i mean lots of people on the street for party at 5am. parties here r crazy haa..yeah, its spain, isnt it?

before going out parties, i went to play frisbee with multi-national friends, thanks to zhuzhu who’s a warmhearted chinese gal who hooked me up with the school here. she introduced her best 2 chinese friends here to me, so im getting to know more of salamanca, this small heritage town. many scenes reminded me of macau from time to time, i felt like backing home. living like a local is what im longing for, so yeah call me a spaniard i wont disagree at all ;p

didnt do a lot shopping coz im gonna stay here for long time, obviously will have enough time to do it later. everything is in euros, so its more expensiver than in china except the beverages. drinks r so cheap that i couldnt believe it, now i seriously think i spent too much money on drinks in shanghai, lol. it’s a small town but still having carrefour which means i could get all the living essencials n neccesities. wanna check out more later, coz i’ve only been here for 4days. i walked half town already, only took 3 days..amazing town, nice atmosphere, people here r so nice altho mostly r the foreign students. i havent gone to school yet, but surely will meet up with more people soon..haa..cant wait for it!

icecream here is called helado, like gelado with lots of cream inside, sweet! sky is always blue, beautiful afternooons, lying under the sun getting tan is the topdrawer! i still smoke..i know its bad for health but i luv smoking..sorry for it.

miss my friends in shanghai, looking at those fotos we took incl many party fotos just now…trying to forget the timezone difference but guess i will always remember it. i wont get many chances to chat online from now on even if i will get internet, coz im gonna feed my life up with activities n studies. i wont let mysel n my families now for sure, but still will be in touch.

my new cellphone number is 0034633214204, if u miss me or try to reach me, pls feel free to call. i tried to text msg to china, but it doesnt work altho i could receive msg from china…weird service.

ok will report more next week, pls check out my fotos later :) luv ya! sending loves from spain, besos!

Ash @ Salamanca 2009

background musik: Eleni Mandell’s <Miss Me>.

what do i care so much about him? let him wait n i will just continue my own recovery-business. yes, i got a fever over 39.6 degree, however there’s a huge relief before it came, so its fair. now i have to keep calm n carry on… coz clearly its a new beginning of my life. A whole new chapter.

everyone is congratulating me on the final waiting-result, n really thank god, my parents n all the friends around have been supporting me all the time. For its own good, i get what i want, the heart wants what the heart wants, thats darn right! thank u all for the felicitations, i will make it as a humble mark then run the hell of my life right toward the shafts of light ahead!

hoping i could just recover from the fever tnite!

p.s. a foto taken last time with Emmanue, Lucas & Toni, by Lucia/More.

background music: Shawn Lee's Ping Pong Orchestra ft. Nino Moschella's <Kiss The Sky>.  i recommended this song before, but since i gave the CDs as a gift to Connie, lets listen to it again. lol. Enjoy!

i smoked too much..way too much..

i miss my david, more than he or i thought i would.

its a beautiful day today, i know it coz i was out yesterday n it looks like so today. i was super happy yesterday, but im facing a low-time now somehow. maybe because i just read an email, maybe because i said i would go to gym but still couldnt make it, maybe because i felt introverted all of sudden, i shall shut off my cellphone, yes, im doing it. Or u may just think im making much ado about nothing..shitty mood, thats all.

pics above were taken yesterday – lucas, toni, emmanuel, lucia and i had a cozy lovely brunch, then afternoon coffee … we took a stroll for half hour enjoyed the sunny shanghai. more pics will be coming soon, thanks to lucia. yeah, also lucia n i had a great dinner & jazz night with lynn.

my chinese new year was all about family, dinners, fireworks, firecrackers, friends, musics, movies, smokes…text messages, emails..went to the temple, got all equiped by ‘red’ n ‘gold’ blessing stuff.

i felt like wanna drop everything today, dont wanna see anybody, or hear anything..didnt even have any interest in logging onto facebook, or even going out for a family dinner later..altho i have to. im dragged by sth unexplainable, felt discontented with the life…f**k!

background musik: Röyksopp's <What Else Is There>.

i will write sth later.

background musik: Department Of Eagles' <No One Does It Like You>.

just got tagged on some pics from NYE bash party, and there are more to come..i am so happy we are now in 2009! great beginning for it, we had our count down at club sin with all the friends around then champagne ..but took us a long time to get a cab, reminds me that last NYE took us 3hrs to get one cab…but we were lucky, coz we negotiated with taxi drivers for double or triple our fees. easy money for those taxi drivers indeed, couldnt see any clue that economy crisis or recession..lol.

ok, so we went to club sin, ringing in the new year, then headed to m1nt, moca and ended up in mao. got home before 8am..slpt till 5pm :) so many parties we had this week, even last tight..another bar hopping around bund, im officially in need of recovery now. i wont go out till next weekend!

got a call from david yesterday morning, but i was sleeping still talked with him for like 5mins..i was so so so excited that he called, hah! im a lucky gal :) well, really hope everyone called or at least sent the msg or email to the ones u love in the world saying happy new year to them!

did u guys have a great NYE? wish u a awesome new year of 2009!

background musik: Ndidi Onukwulu's <Goodnight JF>.

above pics were taken at our xmas family party – CM family, now as Ms. La Familia, i gotta officially introduce my family to you guys – www.citymoments.cn/en It’s a cozy homey family and everybody is smart, good looking, charming, humorous, sweet and full of energies! I’ve been knowning them and stick with them for 4 months-ish. now the family is growing very fast…thus shanghai is so much fun now.

but i got a crazy dramatic xmas eve which i dont wanna bring it up here, so lets just focus on tmr – NYE! I wish everyone a happy, healthy and prosperous New Year of 2009! I sent out some emails today as gratitude for those people with me in 2008, and also shared on facebook of a awesome mashup of 25 top pop songs according to billboard in 2008. ok im giving the link here too, hope u guys enjoy it. it’s actually quite good! http://djearworm.com/united-state-of-pop-2008.htm

my mom’s leaving for singapore tmr morning, dad’s gonna have NYE at some friend’s house…so im gonna be alone, nah! will be with my CM family, lol! – im so like a little naive cute gal, aint i? (stop laughing at me) im gonna go to L18 first coz on the bund we could see the fireworks, then head to a friend’s art night at Moca..then after hour party i was invited by a dj friend clement, hes gonna play at Mao..hope i could make it..energies, energies!

ok, its time for new year’s resolutions! what a wicked year of 2008! i still could remember that time at the beginning of 2008 i was thinking what i was gonna achieve in 08, now its so close to 09..unbelievably fast! how awesome is that!! i achieved most of them!! wowowwow!!

cool, so now im having more encourages to do this – for 2009 (the year of Cow! Ahhh…my 24th year) scary rrr..but yeah, i still gotta make some resolutions here, may god with me and bring me goodness and luckiness next year:

• be kind to all the people, speak of kindness, truth and love.
• be independent, study & work hard to pay for my own living expenses in spain
• watch less tv & movies, but go to more exhibitions & art shows.
• read more books
• get great sun tan again

yeah, thats pretty much everything what im gonna do next year, lol! how about u guys? btw, where r u guys up to on NYE?

background music: Mick Boggie & Adele's <First Love (Remot Mix)>.

its xmas time! its another holiday of perpetual hopes! n unbelievably fast passing year it is. i can’t believe how much i’ve been experienced in 2008, and as a matter of fact, im still living in it, the teeny tiny little end of it. by knowing of this, im still happy! coz as the whole 2008 (not yet to say so), till now, so far so good.

i could write something like how many deals i’ve closed this year, how many guys came and pass by my life, how many places that i’ve been to, how many drinks that i‘ve taken at one night, how many bars i've hopped, how many captivating tv shows i've enjoyed, how many songs that i've listened before, how many clothes and shoes that i've shopped, how many nail polish i've finished, how many cigarettes that i've smoked, how many laughs that i've had, how many friends i’ve been crazy with, how many fancy foods that i've luckily taken, how many great sex i've had, how many 420s i've smoked, how many spanish movies i've watched, how many photos i've taken, how many icecreams i've eaten, how many dreams i've had, how many blogs that have been written …all in this 2008. but sorry its really too much, too strong, too many things that i dont think i can list them out in one page here. its all sensationally stirring my year, the whole energy, spirit and body thing brought up to me with all good kinds, which im more than just being grateful and thankful here. im actually speechless at this holiday, coz i love everything in my life, everyone and every spirits around me. I’m glad i have the most fabulous friends around, i have my parents cooking the best meals at home for me, i have my healthy two grandparents that loving me so much, all my families got my back, and my those even “less family”-type of family – party friends call me Miss La Familia….its really overwhelmed to embrace all of those and accept myself, Ashley is truly and deeply loved by god.

i wrote a litte confession letter to god when i couldnt fall asleep last night around 4am. it was a page on my notepad, in handwriting. so i put that page up and went to sleep, hoping god could come dropping by and read it. i wish everyone a merry xmas and happy new year, may all the good things come around us. i really do have a good heart, so its kinda trading thing, using my confession to trade for what i want. very childish, i know, but its how i felt, that i promised god something, and im doing it too.

got msg from david, short but sweet enough, its been awhile not hearing from him. now i feel like he’s still there, good! knowing that, is enough to keep me toasty in this freezing minus shanghai. yes, its like the first day dropping that many degrees outside, i can only depend on my heater and trying not to go out. but i had to today, did a last minute shopping for xmas. there is a family xmas party, yes with my party family, altho some of them flew home for like next 2 weeks…we still will have a warm homey party together. so i went out and bought a little cute silly stuff, hoping tmr 12 o’clock could swop over for something also sweet as what i got. ha:)

still havent figure out what im gonna wear tmr, thinking sth really jaw-dropper, stylish but not cheap..i hate tacky stuff esp. in holiday season. maybe a tie, haa..guess i wont know till tmr. im really not that kinda gal that into preparing for next day’s outfit. so i guess i will just chill out and wait for tomorrow’s coming! Santa, im waiting for ya, i got confetti, xmas stocking, minus a xmas tree…but pls send a gift in my xmas stocking pls…love ya! (maybe santa reads my blog too, lol)

okay forgot to tell ya what happened last week. i went to raffe’s new restaurant’s grand openning, saw him and his gf. i luv the foods and free magaritas, met some really funny people there. but strangely i felt raffe smells old. i never knew that people could actually have that kinda old people smell, but yes i did feel that, maybe i was tipsy. but after telling my mom, she told me thats the hormone i smelt. oops, guess im really over old guy now, ha! and also surprisingly those guys and gals in la familia are all very young. its like all of sudden im back to my 20, which is amazingly feel good but also sometimes i felt those party people’s like such a babe. and im seeing those babies tmr..so enough bad mouth. haha..im one of them too, bitchy gal. went out wed, thur and fri in a row last week, so i got sick yesterday. – altho some frens also nicely offered me for a drink out, i had to stay in and chill out with my medicine.

i was coughing and looking for cough lozenge last night, but now im drinking pepsi and eating potato chips, almost back track to my life. so in order to keep my throat in balance for parties, i shall just say sayonara now!

Ciao Bella,

Love & Peace

Ash

Background Musik: Janelle Monáe's <Many Moons>.

awesome parties last weekend, totally crazy!　

alright, im heading to Flamenco show tonight! i had great fun with joe's visiting, altho i was too busy to take care of him. haha...hes leaving soon, i will misssss ya!

i'll check out raffe's new restaurant tmr, busy week again.....

pls El Consulado de espana, gimme the visa right away!!!! can't wait for it!!!!

background music: Sigur Rós' <Gobbledigook>.

Watchout! this entry is gonna be a really huge bomb for you - things u dont know about me Haha get ready to drop ur jaws...actually my friends have already known me well, but only a couple of my close friends know the real ash...but i think its kinda fun to expose myself in front of public...its really about high self esteem that im proud of being me...or even more me after my relationship with david. haaa...i appreciate everything in my life so much, thats also why i think its a good time of telling you guys more about me - especially last weekend my blog's browse number was over 20,000! (yay! congrats to Ash!) so its a gift from ash now -D

1. people always curious about my looking since i was little, my eye color is honey brown but not black, and i have 3 eyelids. my nose is kinda crooked, and i have big laugh...so truth is im 1/8 russian. my grandma of my dad's side, she's half russian and half chinese. thats also explains why i love vodka that much.

2. i sleep without pillows. yeah im supawoman. n i usually sleep very late, after 1 or 2.

3. i dont like long nails, neither mine or other people's. and i love to keep my nail polish changing and stay chic n trendy, of course pedicure too.

4. no touch on my back allowed when im eating, even ice cream time, this is a serious thing.

5. i love smiling, as much as crying. im very sensitive..

6. my left hand is more sensible than my right one. both hands have many powers.

7. i had a nickname for long time - little witch. coz i was kinda famous when i was in middle high for predicting things.

8. i have OCD on my kitchen fairs. - put things where they r supposed to be..but only in my kitchen, i dont understand myself on that either...

9. love sunny days, and hate rainy days.

10. allegy to dusts and cats, will scratch myself to death...so pls no cats, only dogs.

11. love kids a lot, and dogs.

12. my fav foods: italian, indian, chinese. not into korean though. i have stomach problems, but still an epicure.

13. sometimes being rigid, sometimes smugly, but never monotone.

14. ha! i'm loved by god, by family and friends...n im alwayz loved by people around me. lol. i luv u guys too!

yeah, now u r satisfied, right? i didnt rattle off above, coz i mulled over those stuff for awhile before...so its only a part of Ash...i will not tell you more - u shall just come to me in person, then u will know more about me urself :p

background musik: Young Marble Giants' <Brand - New - Life>. im obsessed with this song now:)

pics of me & frenz above were taken last fri - the left pic Wei & me (German was behind us), Wei's the guy owns Citymoments. the right pic - wow, this one was crazy! Connie, Jaime and me at Mao(this time, Wei was behind us, lol.). All of us were totally drunk, stoned. i was dragged by jaime to take pic with them..- glad we looked ok there.

2 days ago, i took a look into the mirror in the morning, surprisingly found out my pupils were dilated..thought i was tired or somthing...then i realized that's a symptom of high stress...i didnt feel so until last night didnt fall asleep all night..

tough day today...or say yesterday, but thanks to my friends' help esp. Lucia my babe.

got an email from annie today telling about her thanksgiving feast treat. Yes Ashley will still stay positive and gorgeous for my goal.

god loves me! alright keep fighting babe, i'll keep fighting!

background musik: Harry Nilsson's <Coconut>.

managed to go to gym last week. not bad.

waiting for next thursday - thats a big deal to me, wish me good luck babies!

and others r no big deal at all...deleted ur number already, f**ker!

lately ive been addicted to acid, minimal electro, haa, highhhhhhhhh...

background music: Paul Kalkbrenner's <Aaron (Original Mix)>.